Boys Are Dumb
Movies & TV
This page is what is currently in theatres
& on TV that is goth, fantasy, sci fi, or just interesting.
March, 2004: This page desperately needs updating, though honestly the only movies really worth touting that I've seen in the past year are Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Pirates of the Carribean and Big Fish. More Legolas please.
Moviefone.com - 777-FILM, just like the phone hotline, you can purchase tickets for most movie theatres and just walk right in, no lines.
Movies in Theatres
I'm not linking to the movies right now, just look them up if you want more info (google or upcomingmovies)
2003 is flooded with superheros & super high tech, which is good.
2004 coming soon
Movies not yet in Theatres (somewhat in order by date, many dates are tentative and they almost always change)
2003 unfiled as of yet
X² - May 2, 2003. I don't care what anyone says, I loved the first X-Men movie and I can't wait for this one.
The Matrix Reloaded - May 15, 2003. The Matrix part 2.
The Hulk - June 20, 2003.
Charlie's Angels 2: Full Throttle - June 27, 2003.
Legally Blonde 2 - July 2, 2003. I liked the first one.
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines - July 2, 2003.
Lora Croft: Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life - July 25, 2003
Shaolin Soccar - Aug 8, 2003. Ok, not normally my type, but I saw a trailer for it in the theatre and it just is too funny not to see.
Freddy VS Jason - Aug 15, 2003.
Kill Bill - Oct 10, 2003 (may be bumped back to Nov 7). Quentin Tarantino directs, Uma Thurman, Daryl Hannah, Lucy Liu, David Carradine, Samuel L Jackson will star. In this film noir tale, an assassin called the Bride (Thurman) is shot down, with child, by her employer (and recent bridesgroom), Bill (David Carradine) and other members of their assassin circle, at her wedding (along with everyone at the wedding). She, however, survives, though a bullet in her brain keeps her in a coma for five years. She wakes up PISSED OFF, soon setting out to seek... revenge. She seeks out the various members of the assassin group, globetrotting to kill them each in order, saving Bill for last. It's also possible that characters from some other Tarantino projects, or even other movies he wasn't involved with, may also appear.
The Matrix: Revolutions - Nov 5, 2003. The Matrix part 3.
Jersey Girl - Nov 7, 2003. Kevin Smith film, not related to his other movies I think, it's inspired by him being a daddy to a jersey girl.
Dr. Seuss: The Cat in the Hat - Nov 21, 2003. Mike Meyers will be the cat in the hat.
Timeline - Nov 26, 2003. Sounds pretty cool, time travel invented, a history professor gets trapped in 1957 France, and 3 Yale students must go rescue him from peril and ickyness of the time.
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King - Dec 17, 2003. Part 3 of the Lord of the Rings trilogy movies.
Peter Pan - Dec 25, 2003. I'm not sure if it's animated or live, it may be a modernized version too, not sure if filming even started.
Exorcist 4:1 - TBA 2003 or 2004. I think it is a prequel to The Exorcist, it will tell the tale of Father Merrin's journey as a young missionary priest to post-WWII Africa, which led to his first encounter with demonic forces. (Phillippe plays a young priest who doesn't understand how Merrin could lose his faith in God...)
Thru the Moebius Strip - TBA 2003. Described as an intergalactic take on Jack and the Beanstalk, this is the story of physicist Simon Weir, who becomes lost and trapped in a space-time portal he created. His son must search for him through a myriad number of planets, filled with wondrous sights and often gigantic beings. CGI computer animated.
Young Adam - TBA 2003. This erotic film noir thriller starts when Joe, a drifter helping a barge owner and his wife on a canal between Glasgow and Edinburgh, finds a female corpse in the water.
A View from the Top - God don't see it. It's horrible. we walked out before it ended. it is NOT a mike meyers movie. This is the story of a young woman (Gweneth Paltrow) from meager beginnings who dreams of becoming a flight attendant as her chance to see the world. (Applegate plays her main rival at flight attendant school). Anyone remember Stewardess School from the 80s??
Daredevil - Based on the Marvel comics character, Ben Affleck is to play Daredevil. That didn't thrill me, I'm not going to see it.
Willard - This one is for you Rob! A shy young man, Willard, pestereed by his coworkers exacts bloody revenge when one of his pet rats, his only friends, is killed at work. Led by the unusually intelligent (and lethal) rat, Ben, an army of rats descends on those who did Willard wrong, in a series of writhing, creepy murders. This is a remake of an olde rmovie, the cinematography looks awesome.
Catwoman - 2004 big summer release, though it is likely we won't see it till 2005 or 2006. This better not suck. So far no director is chosen (If it's not Tim Burton it probably won't be worth seeing), Halle Berry cast as Catwoman and not much is known as to what the movie will focus on, Batman won't likely be around.
Don't Be Afraid of the Dark - TBA 2004. Remake of a 1970s movie of the same name I think, sort of a similar story as Beatlejuice.
Dragon's Lair - 2004 tentative. Animated, based on the video game.
Fantastic Four - Fall 2004. Based on the Marvel comic.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - Due out November 2004. 3rd Harry Potter movie.
King Arthur - Fall 2004.
Knight's Castle - TBA 2004. A 10-year-old boy is magically transported back to medieval times, where he must rescue the sword, Excalibur, so he can heal both the king and his father back in the present.
Spider-Man 2 - July 2, 2004. Tobey Maguire & Kirsten Dunst return.
Van Helsing - May 7, 2004. Hugh Jackman plays the star role, it has promise.
Water Warriors - TBA 2004. 3D CGI animation, sounds pretty cute. Some aliens send their greatest warship to Earth to conquer it, and misjudge the planet, they are tiny aliens, and they land in an english pond and think frogs & others in the lake are the people of earth. So the frogs & aliens engage in a war for the planet.
Iron Man - possibly summer 2005. Based on the Marvel comic book, director not chosen yet but rumor has it Joss Whedon (Buffy creator) may be in consideration.
Star Wars Episode III - Due out May 25 2005 (the 28th anniversary of the original release of Star Wars). Boba Fett will show up in this one.
The Three Stooges - summer 2005. I love the stooges, they are fucking hilarious, especially if you are stoned at 2am in the morning in your early 20s. In this movie they will be in modern day Los Angeles.
Wallace & Gromit: The Great Vegetable Plot - spring 2005.
TBA/Unknown release dates
Alice - Who knows if they'll ever get it going. Jan Svankmajer has already made the best ever possible version of Alice in Wonderland, but this one has great potential also. Personally, I think Tim Burton is the only one who should be allowed to do dark surreal fairy tales. Wes Craven is doing it. It looks to be based on the new game Alice, great game, get it. Ten years later, Alice has spent years in an asylum trying to convince people that her experiences were real. She's given a second chance to return to the world of Wonderland, only to discover that it has turned dark and twisted. The realm of the Queen of Hearts has given all of Wonderland's denizens a strange, sinister tinge. It will be CGI animated, and possibly PG-13.
Beowolf - I love this ancient classic tale of a Norse warrior. I hope it's done well. Another one that has no cast or set production dates.
The Children of Men - TBA, filming hasn't started. Sounds somewhat interesting. Set in a near future where the human race has lost its ability to reproduce (males have become sterile), England has descended into chaos, until a strict warden, Xan Lyppiatt, is brought in to institute martial law. That order is challenged however, when a woman discovers she's pregnant, with what would be the first child in 27 years, inspiring a group of revolutionaries. The story is centered around an Oxford history professor, Theodore Faron, who is her ex-lover (and Xan's cousin). Is he also the baby's father?
Fat Albert - Date unknown, filming not started, expect a lot of hype from Fox. Live action.
Gateway to the Gods - TBA, filming not started. Too bad it's made for kids, sounds sort of cool. A bunch of Greek gods end up in modern Manhattan through a magic gateway to Mount Olympus in a museum found by some kids, and the kids have to find them all and get them back, of course some won't want to go back.
Good Omens - TBA, filming not started. Neil Gaiman story. This is the comedic British epic that ensues when the baby that is the Anti-Christ is switched at birth. As the end of times approaches, a demon and angel must team up to sort out the whole mess... including finding the Anti-Christ, who is now an 11-year-old boy.
Knowing - TBA, filming not started. When a time capsule from 1958 is opened prematurely accidentally, the chairman of the town's historical society is shocked to find drawings by a child inside that predict historical events of the last 40 years... with one prediction yet to come. Now, it's up to this historian to try to prevent the child's final chilling vision from coming true.
The Lost Girls - I have heard rumors about this sequel to Lost Boys for years, it may or may not have started production.
Memoirs of a Geisha - TBA, filming not started. Based on the novel with the same title, this is the story of Nitta Sayuri, sold to a geisha house at the age of 9, the training she goes through to become a geisha, and the life she leads as one, this should be really good.
The Prisoner - TBA, production not started. Based on the 17 episode 1960s British spy tv show. A British secret agent, trying to quit his job, wakes up in a strange place, "The Village", where he's only known as No. 6, from which there is no escape, and any attempt to escape is blocked by mysterious floating bubbles called "Rovers." As Number 6 tries to escape, his cheery superiors and neighbors try to get "information" about why he wanted to retire. The funny thing is that I've never seen the old TV series, though I've heard of it, but reading the premise I instantly thought of a Simpsons episode which parodyed this.
Ramses the Damned - TBA, production not started. Not sure if it's based on Anne Rice's Novel of the same name, also titled The Mummy. After drinking the Elixir of Life, the Egyptian pharoah Ramses the Great becomes condemned to an eternal life, forever walking the Earth. Finally falling asleep over 1,000 years after his reign, he is awakened 2,000 years later in 1914, by Lawrence Stafford, an archaeologist. Eventually brought to Stafford's mansion in England, Ramses falls in love with Stafford's daughter, Julie, setting out on a plan to use her to bring Cleopatra back to life.
Seared - TBA production not started. This sounds really interesting to me, as I love to cook and watch cooking shows, I'd rather be a chef than a computer programmer. Set in the ritzy world of New York haute cuisine, this is the true story of a celebrity chef which reveals the deep, dark secrets of the kitchen... the things we don't want to know about the food we eat, especially the expensive and exorbitant dishes for which we shell out the big bucks. David Fincher gave us a sneak peek into this world in Fight Club, with its renegade kitchen staff ("may I advise against the lady eating the clam chowder...?"). The book describes the cooks and staffs of New York kitchens as "wacked-out moral degenerates, dope fiends, refugees [and] a thuggish assortment of drunks, sneak thieves, sluts and psychopaths." P.S. Don't order fish on Monday.
Solaris - ???. Upon arrival at the space station orbiting an ocean world called Solaris, a psychologist discovers that the commander of an expedition to the planet has died mysteriously. Other strange events soon start happening as well, such as the appearance of old acquaintances of the crew, including some, like the psychiatrist's wife, who are dead
The Speed Queen - TBA, production not started. Has possible potential, Christina Ricci's in it. Sort of hard to describe the premise, read the page.
Where the Wild Things Are - TBA, not yet in production. CGI Animated, based on the classic kids book.
Wonder Woman - not cast, no filming or release date set
The Horror Channel should be airing on cable networks Oct 2004.
I get G4. It is the best channel ever.
The Tribe - (WAM!) - this is my buffy replacement. it rules. Technos rule. Hopefully sometime mid 2004 we get season 5?
Power Rangers Dino something or other - Ram, Jay, and Moz of The Tribe are in this series, well, the actors that play them are anyway.
Seriously Weird - (WAM!) - Cute, funny, supernatural.
Atlantis High - (WAM!) - by the creators of The Tribe, has quite a few shared cast members.
Buffy The Vampire Slayer (UPN) Ended May 2003 for good.
Sabrina, the Teenage Witch (WB) - It went downhill when she went to college, season 7 was really bad, the show's over but still syndicated.
The Simpsons (FOX)
That 70s Show (FOX) - I absolutely love this show, it's about the kids I worshipped when I was 5.
Malcolm in the Middle (FOX) - It is the best dysfunctional family show on tv today, it's truly hilarious and I crack up at every episode.
Here are my favorite cable shows:
Adult Swim on cartoon network: Brak, home movies, aqua teen, oblongs, space ghost coast to coast, etc
South Park (Comedy Central)
Powerpuff Girls (Cartoon Network)
Kids in the Hall (Comedy Central) - just re-runs, but oh well.
Crank Yankers (Comedy Central)